E118: Emotions and Advocacy
Let's talk about a group of parents I found in my research when starting The IEP Lab that had this passion for advocacy but didn't let it control them...they used it as a power within them to work the system and get the best support for their child. What we
THE DOORS TO THE ULTIMATE PARENT IEP PREP COURSE ARE OPEN!
Let’s talk about a group of parents I found in my research when starting The IEP Lab that had this passion for advocacy but didn’t let it control them…they used it as a power within them to work the system and get the best support for their child.
What we cover in this episode:
1) Why controlling intense emotions is helpful in parent IEP advocacy
2) What it looks like when parents are able to master this skill
3) 5 ideas for emotional regulating activities you can fit into your routine that may help you get to the place of powerful emotional advocacy energy!
LAST DAY TO SIGN UP FOR THE ULTIMATE PARENT IEP PREP COURSE until August, 2023!
Snag your 30 day free trial of the Parent Advocacy Club (PAC for short!) to celebrate OT month!
E118: Emotions and Advocacy
[00:00:00] Are you someone who experiences a lot of stress and intense emotions and IEP meetings. You certainly are not alone. But have you noticed that not every parent has these intense emotions around advocacy and IEP meetings. And have you noticed, like I have. That when parents get to a certain point
in their knowledge level of IEP is that they aren’t stressed about it anymore. Now, of course, this depends on factors that you can’t control in part because you can’t control the district’s policies or the state that you live in, or even the teacher that’s assigned to your case manager. But there’s so much you can control that I think if you wanted to not be so stressed in IEP meeting and not have such strong emotions that block you from being able to advocate, but actually help you advocate.
I totally think that you can do that. And I totally think that’s possible. So stay tuned because today we are tackling. Tackling the topic of emotions and advocacy.
You are listening to the [00:01:00] parent IEP lab, the podcast, and it helps you get an effective IEP plan for your child so that you can get them supported and learning in school. I’m Beth LEAs and found an occupational therapist who started to notice trends in parents who got effective IEP for their kids without having to fight the school.
My mission is to help you learn the pillars of knowledge I saw these effective parents use in their advocacy and also to provide insight or knowledge from the school side, so that you have context to turn that into informed, intelligent questions. That actually get you somewhere with the school IEP teams.
So let’s dive into the very important topic of emotions and advocacy and think about what we can change and tweak to get the right formula for success for your child to learn and grow at school. Welcome to the lab.
Y’all I have sent out a lot of emails if you’re on my email list. So hopefully you have heard that the ultimate parent IEP prep course is open right now for registration, but only until the end of today, Tuesday. March [00:02:00] 28th. Okay. So just a tiny little plug and a reminder that if you want to join us in the ultimate parent IEP prep course, this is the last time it’s going to be offered until August. So if you want code, if you want coaching this round and every round after to write your parent input plan for your next IEP meeting and kick that IEP meeting stress to the curb, then click below this podcast or go to www.theieplab.com/course.
Okay, I’m going to be honest that this is a little mini bite-sized training of the monthly training from April, from the brand new parent advocacy club or a PAC pack for short. And because April is my birthday month and it’s also occupational therapy month and I’ve also sent out a lot of emails lately.
I’m giving you a free month of the parent advocacy clubs so that you can check it out. Now, instead of focusing on. IEP. The pack is focused on more broader terms, and it’s [00:03:00] really tapping into my expertise of being an occupational therapist. So we’re zooming out and looking at you in your parent role as an advocate and breaking down the barriers that you’re experiencing in your advocacy journey
well, having some support to get where you want in your advocacy journey as well. And includes a training on a monthly theme, a live Q and a with me that’s anything advocacy related. And I also have invited one of my first parents who ever went through my trainings, chiller, Crossley, who is also an amazing group facilitator for other.
Special needs families to run a parent only processing session. One time a month centered around that theme. And also has freebies, checklists and tools
and of course it also includes a forum to connect with other parents and ask advocacy and IEP related questions. The founding member pricing is $14 a month, but I’m giving you April for free. It’s going to be a blast. So use the link below this podcast to sign up for your 30 day [00:04:00] trial and they’ll see you in there.
This topic of emotions and advocacy obviously comes up a ton. So when I first started the IEP lab, actually this was about a year ago. So a year in and a year ago. I interviewed like 20 to 30 parents of children who had IEP. Some parents were at the beginning of their journey and when I was asking them , oh, well, what do you need? What do you have questions on? What can I help with? They would say, I don’t know what, I don’t know.
I don’t even know what freebie I’d want, or I don’t know what I would want you to talk about on a podcast, because I literally don’t have any context. I don’t know. And other parents knew enough that they had a ton of questions or maybe they had a couple and they wanted to seek out more information. And if I had a guess, then this is probably the category that you would fall into where you know, a little bit about what you don’t know. And so you’re going to seek out those answers.
And then in that process, you’re going to be like, and I, I didn’t know that. And sometimes it leads to more and more questions. But also more and more knowledge, which is the point, [00:05:00] right? To turn that into effective advocacy for your kid. And then the third and last set of parents that I interviewed. We would hop on a call and they would start telling me what was important for parent advocates to know, instead of me being able to help them.
They were listing off the things that they wish they’d known before, but know now, and it just happened that most of these parents had a little bit older of kids, like middle school but a lot of these parents in this third set where they kind of had it handled, they were able to still be passionate about their kid and passionate about things like inclusion. But they didn’t let it overtake their advocacy. They really used it
to be a source of power for them as they went into the meeting,
and some of them are really staunch advocates that were strong
and file things with the states like state complaints and things, and others were more relationship based advocates that I saw work so well. When I was working for the schools and what I teach in the prep course as well. And because I was doing [00:06:00] research on what parents actually needed, I got off those calls thinking, man, okay. They don’t need anything from me. Like they’re never going to listen to the podcast. Because they, they know everything that I know, they know everything that they need to know to advocate effectively.
And it was just such a cool feeling to know. That that’s what we’re fighting for everybody to feel like. And we just want that to be fast forward and put on the fast track so that you can feel that way, way before your kid is in middle school or high school. Right. That’s my goal for you.
So how can we get you there? How can we get you to a place where yes, you still have emotions. You’re human. They are good. Emotions are all good. Right? Even if you get frustrated or angry, that’s really telling you what’s important to you. That’s telling you that something is wrong, that something is out of your control or something is off.
And you can explore what exactly that is. So you can articulate it.
And so we can use emotions and process information to teach us about ourselves [00:07:00] and what we need to do. But if we’re only stuck in the being upset and we can never process through it, then we can never actually use it to help us become better advocates. And I’m going to be blunt when you get overly angry or overly upset or frustrated or anxious, or you fill in the blank with the emotion that you feel about IDPs.
You don’t. I don’t think as clearly at the IEP table. So you are going to miss opportunities to educate the team about your kid and about what you want for them. And you’re going to miss opportunities to really figure out, oh my gosh, this is the missing piece. This is what they’re not understanding.
So we need to find a place for you to get to where yes, you can have emotions. Absolutely. But you can use those as assets when you come to the advocacy table, or even if you’re between IEP meetings. And you’re trying to advocate in between IEP meetings, which we can talk a lot about
and the parent advocacy club, actually, because we will have a lot of time in between your IEP meetings to [00:08:00] talk. But last night, I wanted to read a different book before bed. I’ve been trying to read more before bed. it’s going right. It’s a work in progress for sure. But last night I wanted to read a different book because I’m reading StrengthsFinder, which I absolutely want to talk to you guys about at some point, because it’s all about, oh my gosh, this is how we make IEP is strengths-based right.
And I’m also in the middle of reading the explosive child. And those are two pretty heavy books and they weren’t as relaxing as I needed them to be. So I was looking through my stack. And I picked up Susie. Moore’s let it be easy.
And I read it last year and I actually gifted a copy to a friend. Who’s life had gotten pretty complex recently, and many of the pages are dog-eared. It’s actually a recommended book for this month parent advocacy club, because the chapters are literally like two pages long and they’re very, story-based, it’s very easy to read.
And she just has a way of putting it together, [00:09:00] where again, she’s communicating that you have control over your emotions. You have control over your situation. So there were a few quotes. I literally got to page four and I was like dog earring and putting a bookmark in because there’s two quotes that she’s strong in a row that had me thinking about this particular situation.
She quoted wing dryer. And the quote is there is no stress in this world. Only stressful thoughts. And the next one is Esther Hicks. When you believe something is hard, the universe demonstrates difficulty. When you believe something is easy, the universe demonstrates the EAs. Is being a parent advocate, easy.
I’m not one, but I do not think it’s easy. I’m honored to work with. All of the parents I’ve been able to work with. And I just hope that I can guide that passion and thoughtfulness and hope for your child in the right direction. That’s actually going to get you somewhere with advocacy for the team, because I [00:10:00] understand the process and how it works and the pitfalls and the patterns that I’ve seen actually work positively. Right.
But then I look at the principles that I teach that are embedded in the prep course. And the other courses that I have
like the accommodations course for parents. And none of it is necessarily hard to understand with the right tools and the right resources. But it takes bravery and effort to execute the tasks that make up effective advocacy plans. Okay. So, how do we get you? Who I’m assuming is somewhere in the middle of seeking out information and having some good questions in mind yet, knowing you might have more questions as you go along and learning.
To the place where those middle and high school parents were that I interviewed the ones that had this confidence in them to sign up for an interview for someone wanting to help them. And then they said, oh no, I don’t need any help. I’m telling you what parents need. They had their emotions under control and [00:11:00] they could use them to their advantage if they needed to. Do I have ideas about how we can turn this emotional ball of ness into actually something that’s super powerful.
Yes. I do because occupational therapy OT is actually originated in mental health profession with treating rolled war two veterans. Who had shell shock, which is now called PTSD. And in my particular program at the university of North Dakota. It’s one of the only programs left that emphasized mental health and soft skills above this medical kind of skills.
So, yes, I’ve worked in inpatient, mental health, outpatient for adolescents and adults too. I have seen some pretty intense emotions and I’ve helped people kind of work through those crisis situations, which hopefully you’re not in a crisis situation. Right. I also have countless people in my life with pretty serious mental health conditions from alcoholism to panic attacks and anxiety. And there’s one that I don’t even [00:12:00] know what the heck it is, but it’s something. But here’s the thing about ideas that I’m going to share. Not every single strategy is going to work. And none of this are things that you have never heard before. Right. I’m just applying them to this situation.
So it’s not anything earth shattering. We just have to be consistent with it. And we also have to figure out what works for you, right? Hence the IEP lab we’re trialing and airing this right. You got to give it a try for at least two weeks, pick something and see if it works for you.
See, if it helps you kind of take that emotional mess and organize it for you on the inside. And if it doesn’t try it out and then try it out for two weeks and if it doesn’t work, then come back to this list and try another one. And I’m going to say it. Sometimes this will spark something.
And here’s the kind of fun thing. This list might actually spark something that you used to do, but you don’t do anymore. That worked for [00:13:00] you in the past. I’m thinking more than a few of you have watercolor supplies in your basement. Just like I do that are Jones and to get back out of their tubes and back on some paper, right.
So here’s a couple of ideas. And if you want to flesh them out more, then go ahead and sign up for your 30 day trial of the parent advocacy club. So number one is have a plan. Y’all when I have a backup plan, that anxiety that controls me. He goes out the window. This is everything that works in my particular life. And so that’s why I put it as number one, because the backup plan is my anxieties arch enemy. If I know that this might not go well, that I’m going to have a backup plan and that makes me feel 10.
Thousand times better. So try that. Number two is to have a support system. And I know that a lot of parents that are parent advocates have a really hard time getting a support system. And yet there are parents who have [00:14:00] them. So, I don’t want you to focus on the things that you can’t do. I want you to figure out things that you can do.
So think about local Facebook groups. Think about local diagnosis, specific groups like down syndrome associations. They’re wonderful. There’s all kinds of different groups like that.
And of course there’s occupation based groups like computer program and computer programming and fitness classes and investment groups. I don’t care. meetup.com is chock full of your people that you may even be able to involve your kids into so that you don’t have to carve out me time or respite to be able to make these connections with other people. It’s so important that you have just some kind of support system.
Number three, return to a hobby or get a new one again. What are colors? I’ve been watching reels on Instagram lately of watercolors, and it’s making me really want to get back into it, you know, when I find the time to do so, but I do other things right now. I’m starting to read again, after being a [00:15:00] heavy podcast listener for the few years.
I’ve been a runner for a very long time, and I’ve been very bored with that recently. And so I decided to train for a sprint triathlon. Do I think I have time to do that. No, but somehow in the last two weeks I have made it work where I’m hitting all of the training sessions that I need to. It’s crazy. Right.
The next one is so cool. And I so want to do this. And it’s the most basic self care thing that you’ve ever heard of. It’s journaling. Do you know how many very, very successful people, very emotionally. Passionate people, people like Amy Porterfield who talks about digital courses or Marie Forleo, who’s a life coach that wrote the book. Everything is figureoutable.
They journal. It’s actually on my list and I’ve been meaning to make it a consistent habit, but I haven’t yet. So I’m working on that one too, but that’s just an idea to throw out there as well. And then the fifth and last one that I have for you right now. It’s to surround yourself with people who [00:16:00] are trying to become emotionally focused. Like you.
People who are successful parent advocates. Right. That’s why I keep coming back to the down syndrome associations in my mind, because they really are. Whatever age your kid is. You’re welcome to the, do these camps in these things, in these activities together. And it’s a mix of people who have been advocates for a really long time and who are new to being an advocate. And so it’s just an amazing place for connection.
So here’s the thing about these five things. None of these things. Can you truly put into place the week before an IEP meeting
and expect that it’s going to work for you. These are consistent things because may I remind you, you actually have some amazing powers. Then it’s an advocate outside of the IEP meeting. It’s everything. After the meeting happens and it’s everything leading up to the next IEP. IEP is don’t happen in a vacuum, right? It’s a consistent process.
And so your strategies to manage your emotions really [00:17:00] have to happen all year round. So there you have it. That’s my little gift to you as well as a free 30 day trial of the parent advocacy club. That kicks off on April 1st. You can get into the club right now by clicking the link below this podcast.
Get in and find the, introduce yourself with a picture challenge and start connecting with others. While we wait for April 1st, the start of OT month and my birthday month to take a deeper dive into emotions and advocacy with support from myself and Chella crossly as well as other parents who are going to join along with you.
I have a great week and I’ll see you. Same time, same place next week. Thanks so much.