E51: Autism Spectrum Disorder [Eligibility Category Bonus Series]
Why would you need to know the eligibility checklist? It's because there are some PRIME opportuntities here to make sure your child has the right supports for EVERY area of acedemic struggle! We are going through the CO ASD eligibility checklist for an example, but please join the facebook group to get help to find your state's eligibility criteria!
Effective parent advocacy can be so amazing and so beneficial to your child, especially when it leads to a great relationship between parents and the school IEP team! Today I am joined by Gary Martinez Jr. who is sharing his story about how he advocates for his daughter and the great relationship he has built with his daughter’s IEP team.
In this episode, Gary is sharing about his journey with the IEP process and his daughter’s autism diagnosis. We are diving into what Gary does to help Autism parents, why you should connect with other parents and support groups, the importance of sharing your child’s story with the school IEP team, and how he took on the role of a student in order to help his daughter progress.
Are you looking for a way to improve your communication with the school IEP team, leverage your parent role, and better understand the IEP process? Check out the Champion Your Child Mini-Course to go from frustrated to strategic with your advocacy!
Be sure to join my Facebook group, The Parent IEP Lab Insiders, to connect with other parents and be part of an amazing, supportive group! And, as always, if you found this episode helpful and informative, please LIKE & SHARE to help other parents be the best advocates they can for their child!
In this episode, we cover:
- Who Gary is and how the start of his and his daughter’s IEP journey
- What he hopes all parents coming into the IEP process know in terms of advocacy
- How he took on a student role to help him better support his daughter
- Insight into his daughter’s routine and how he works with the school team to best support his daughter with their routine
- How he helps autism parents through his coaching program
Connect with Gary:
- https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000621924877
- Instagram @gary_martinez_jr
- Tik Tok @garymartinezjr2017
Connect with Beth:
Related Podcast Episodes:
- #28 – Case Manager Insights from an Autism program Teacher — with Gabriella Gonzalez
- #41 - How to Feel Heard and Communicate Who Your Child is with Ease: How to Write a Vision Statement!
- #51 – Autism Spectrum Disorder [Eligibility Category Bonus Series]
Beth 0:00
Hey there, well, if you are new to the podcast just today, and this is the first, the Parent IEP Lab Podcast that you’re listening to, you probably don’t know that I love examples. Examples helped me learn. And I love sharing examples because they really explain things in a way that just words can’t do. And today, I’m so excited to have Gary from Project STAR on because he is giving his personal account of what a really great relationship between a school team and a parent team actually looks like. And I’m so excited for you to have this example so that you can see what you’re fighting for what you’re working so hard to achieve. Is that really great teamwork relationship between the parents, or you and your school team? And what does that actually look like? When there’s an issue that comes up? What does that look like? When everybody is pitching in to help support your child, I’m so excited to have him on to explain that to you.
So stick with me because this is going to be a really fun interview. And I hope you get so much out of it.
You are listening to the Parent IEP Lab podcast. This is the podcast that helps you the parent get an effective IEP plan for your child so you can get them supported and learning in school. I’m Beth Liesenfeld, occupational therapist who started to notice trends in parents who got effective IEPs for their kids. My mission is to help you turn the insider knowledge from the school side into effective parent advocacy for your child.
Hello, and welcome. Today we have Gary from the Star Program. Welcome to the podcast. I’m excited to talk with you today.
Unknown Speaker 1:50
Thank you so much Beth, for having me on, of course.
Beth 1:52
So I love to have parents on to just kind of go through their IEP journey. And since this is a podcast, mainly for people in like the first couple years of this IEP transition, I just love having people on that have expertise and experience and can share that with beginning parents. So I’m so excited that you’re here. Why don’t we start by you just telling us a little bit about who you are your family and what you do for a living?
Unknown Speaker 2:21
Sure. So I am a single dad of two. So I have my son Christian who is 12 years old. And then Monica, who is 16. I’ve been a personal fitness trainer since 2012. I started out at the YMCA for the first couple years. And then I wanted to be more control of my schedule and to offer more to people. So I decided to become an independent trainer in July of 2014. And then right now my project that I’m working on, is to help our autism parents like myself, who are struggling with low energy to become more active in their daily routine so they can have the best time with their kids. So I’m doing that as one on one coaching.
Beth 3:04
Oh, fantastic. Okay. And we’ll dig into that a little bit later. But I’m really curious if you want to kind of share your journey about if you can remember way back when you started in the IEP process? What was that like for you? And did you have anything that helped you get through or learn about the process that was helpful for you?
Unknown Speaker 3:27
At the very first No, no, I was just brand new to everything. I didn’t know what even autism was. And the IEP was like a foreign language to me. So I think one of the first things that I learned was that after you’re talking to get on the same page with our teachers, that you can actually modify work for our kids. Because at that time when my daughter was in preschool, she still wasn’t talking, she was nonverbal. It was a rough to try to learn things in the beginning.
Beth 3:58
Yeah, I’m sure. Did you feel like you connected with other parents at all? Did you do a lot of Google searching? Did you even have questions at that time? Or were you just overwhelmed by it all?
Unknown Speaker 4:10
A little overwhelmed in the beginning, you know, and I just later found out that there is support groups in town for a new parent and that you can feel not alone and you can find other people who resonate with your world. So I started to become a part of some of the Facebook support groups. So that’s when I started to meet some of the families No, make a new friend and for my daughter to actually make a very first friend.
Beth 4:37
That’s amazing. So now that she’s 16, you’ve gone through a couple of transitions, you’ve gone through a lot of years of this IEP thing. When you look back, what do you hope that new parents coming into this system would know or what do you wish that somebody had told you about the process on the front end?
Unknown Speaker 5:00
To be prepared when you go to the meetings to write down questions that you have. For the teachers, that way, you get on the same page with them that way you do what’s in the best interest of your child will be like the top one that stands out, letting them know, you know, our special interest in with our work, can we modify it, where we’re going out our pace, I like to call it our pace, no race. And it’s not about the data, it’s about, we got to learn this one thing first, before we can move on to the next. So it’s kind of like, we’re gonna need to dismiss the templates, and work at their pace, and intellect to know, like, when we’re taking tests, or we got to do something, that’s a challenge for them, that we need a lot of support during those days, we need a play break, whatever, whatever works for your child, like for us, it would be you know, we need to play break for 10 minutes or so maybe just going in a hallway, and then come into starting like something that’s a little intense like that, we need our we need our snacks, you know, we have to stay away from XYZ, because it can cause hyperactivity, it can cause a meltdown, whatever. Just give them as much information that they know. So our kids can have their best day be happy. Number one, and the teacher can have more success, teaching them what they’re trying to get them to learn. Like for us, you know, we’re big on nutrition. So we learned what can give us energy and things that we want to stay away from. So it’s just given them those details, as much as you can.
Beth 6:34
Yeah. I love that that preparation phase is it’s hard when you when you feel like you don’t know the process. It’s hard to have even questions, right. But I feel like with your, you know, eventually you connected with other parents who probably gave you some clues on what you need to ask. Right?
Unknown Speaker 6:51
Yes. And then it’s also the competence part that, you know, because they are teachers, you don’t have to feel like you’re any less of a person, you’re on the same level with them. So once you get that culture going, and you create friendships with the teachers, then it just becomes more comfortable on all ends.
Beth 7:08
What transitions are you looking forward to? For her? What like what do you have next in your IEP journey?
Unknown Speaker 7:16
Good question. Good question. We’re actually going to transition to a different school number one coming to this next fall, letting my daughter pick her own school that she wants to go to to reunite with friends. I guess one of the main questions is, for me to explain who we are going to a new school, I think it’s important that, you know, we are the experts of our kids, because they’re around us the most, to let them know what our special interests are, what our strengths are, where we need help at. Because for my daughter, it’s all about energy, it’s all about before she walks into a building, she can feel the vibe, it’s going to be a good fit for her. And then it’s about the staff accepted her for who she is. And that makes her feel comfortable. So it’s just those basic first steps right there.
Beth 8:09
Yeah, I love how you say, you know that you’re an expert on your child because you absolutely are. And also just in how her diagnosis of autism presents in her because so many people have diagnoses in general. But that’s a different experience for all of us. And that’s so important for the parent to really describe how that diagnosis affects her and just what she needs.
Unknown Speaker 8:37
Yeah, you know, this current school that we’re at one thing that I learned because you’re always learning something, you know, you always learn something for anything every single day, was that they put the ball in my court and they said, Just tell us more. So I think it’s important that you know, your own story about your kid, because stories is something that resonates and makes better sense to people to put the pieces together to know about somebody. And that just was so helpful. That was like a huge plus,
Beth 9:08
I love how you say stories, because some of my favorite meetings started when you know, we’re waiting for somebody else to get in the building. Or there’s that dead space at the beginning of the meeting. And the parent or the staff members just start swapping stories about their kid, either they’re funny or they’re enjoyable, or they’re about their progress. And it really sets the tone and reminds everybody to be child centered for the rest of the meeting. I love those meetings that started that way.
Unknown Speaker 9:35
Yeah, that’s exactly. That’s exactly the way I do now is to walk in and before things started to start a combination conversation and share a story.
Beth 9:47
I love that. Do you want to tell us a little bit about your routine?
Unknown Speaker 9:51
Sure. So you know my daughter was diagnosed around age four with autism and sensory processing disorder. And we were not talking in the beginning. And all I could do was watch her throw herself on the ground, arch her back scream, turn red and cry because she, she cannot express herself. So for me, I felt like a failure as a parent in the beginning. And it literally emotionally drained me of energy. And so something had to change. So we got the first step, which was our intervention. And we got to do occupational therapy, and speech therapy, both together in the same facility. And that’s where, like, you know, it started to turn around, you know, in occupational therapy, we got to learn a lot of activities that help out the body. So she could be more comfortable with her body because she was scared to walk on the earth in the beginning. And she had this little muscle tone where things were hard for her, like just holding a toothbrush or a food utensil. So by watching what you know, you had a choice, you can drop off your kid for an hour, you can drop them off, come back in an hour, you can sit in the waiting room, read a magazine for an hour, 40 said you can come in. So I went in there like a student and turned into a practitioner. So I came in with notebooks, I came in with pins, and I asked questions, I wrote everything down, that I saw that was working. And I brought brought all that stuff home, and started to apply it. So I started to learn what is helping my daughter. And her favorite thing that was the first light bulb in that room. Still today is swinging, you know, it gives you that relaxing, body awareness and all those great needs. So that’s something that we still do today. And then when we have our speech therapy, because we couldn’t talk in the beginning, we’re working on the jaw, the tongue in the mouth muscles to get those strong. So it was kind of like, it’s kind of like exercise. My analogy is, you know, when you do a warm up, you’re more prepared for your workout. So before we worked on our speech, lessons, we had to give our, our mouth and our jaw warmups, we actually did like some sensory activities, some activities to start to get those areas stronger. And then we practice what we were learning in our very first speech therapist was was very funny. The energy just my daughter liked it. So it made it, it made it go really smooth. So shortly after that, in time, Monica started talking. And when she started talking, I learned what were her favorite things. And for her, and a lot of girls, particularly, they’re Into a Fantasy Land of pretend play. So it’s for us, it’s a lot of Disney movies, it’s all about these princesses. But we also like the villains. Not that we like them for trying to do something to our characters. But because villains I mean, let’s face it, they have the best lines in the movies, and they’re real expressive. So it makes us laugh. So, for example, the way we work our routine was we started out after we learned all this stuff. In elementary school, we would go to school about 20 minutes early to the playground, we would start swinging or favorite thing in there from swinging, we would add stuff to it, we will start having a conversation, we will talk about a favorite movie, or we’ll start singing a favorite song, which I think are one of our first ones was by Miley Cyrus wrecking ball. So we would sing that song. So to me, she started to light up like a Christmas tree, her body’s getting what she needs from swinging the mind because you know, music makes your brain work faster on both sides. She was just she would light up and she would be so happy that I would like fluidly help her get off the swing and start playing on other parts of the playground to work the other systems in our body. So she was doing things where she was touching and grabbing. She was doing like heavy work like climbing up the slide. But of course, we had to make sure no one was trying to go down. So she was getting all this work. So when she went into that unpredictable, building a school, they made it easier for her for these unpredictable, you know, sounds, smells, lights and crowds. And it really helped her out. So I would have to also at times go in and give her play breaks.
Unknown Speaker 14:14
So we had a school that was just so helpful that they welcomed me to come there and give her the sensory play breaks that we need in the beginning because it was it was hard. It was hard to be in a school for that many hours in the day. So that’s still to this day. Our routine we’ve evolved throughout the years, but we still like to go play at many parks. Sometimes it’s two or three parks in the same day, specific names, specific ones we want to go to, and we just rock out and like one new flavor that we do is we push swings. So pushing swings has given us this upper body activity that we need. But we also pretend there’s an evil character sitting on the swing that’s invisible. So I I can participate in do these voices. So let’s say that I want you to do Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. So I do like a scene where she’s saying something, and then she fights the evil by talking back to her. So it’s kind of, we have humor in it, and then she pushes to swing and she’s laughing. So that’s another, that’s one of our evolving flavors, and the list goes on. But in a nutshell, that’s, it’s been a game changer, a lifesaver, a life giver to Monica having the best day possible.
Beth 15:30
You know, I love so many things of what you just said. But if I can just pull out a summary, I love that you said you entered into your support people your therapy with a student’s mind. Because I think when parents are committed and come into sessions, the sessions are just so much better with you guys being there. Because again, you’re you’re the expert in the child, when I was seeing kids in outpatient therapy, you know, some one hour a week, like what is, what is that going to do, I can do some problem solving, that having the parent was there was also just amazing.
And also, when we talk about being an expert in your child, that’s another facet, that you just you have all of this other input from all of the other people in your life and all of the routines that you’ve made in your life, right? So for you to be able to communicate that and so funny, we were in the decoding IEP data workshop this morning, and somebody was like, but what data like, do I have data and like, you absolutely have data, you have routines that work, you have an estimate of Oh, like, you know, two or three days a week, we’ll have a meltdown, we when we come home from school, it just doesn’t have to be this like numbered graph data when I say data, but that input from parents is just so helpful. And so rich to say, this is a routine. And this is what we start with.
Did you feel like you could communicate some of that routine to the school staff, like say, if a parent doesn’t have the time flexibility, but they still wanted their child to have that kind of routine that you’re doing for her where you come in? Did you ever feel like you could communicate that with another staff member and they would be able to do some of it with her?
Unknown Speaker 17:15
Yes. So like, some of those schools were more open to that. And then some of them, I had to earn it out to earn their trust. So like, I would do different various ways I would communicate through email, like, here’s the latest thing that we’re on from the past weekend, here’s our latest thing, well, we’ll go there and personnel will go before school, I would stay after school, or I was shown during our play breaks. This is what we’re up to right now. And then that’s, that’s how I did it.
Unknown Speaker 17:41
And then I also would demonstrate like to kind of duplicate myself, you know, so I would show him like, here’s a very simple, like massage routine that I do, because I was a therapist at one time. So you know, just show me the fingers, you know, I’ll just show him something. This is what we do. But you have to ask permission first, because she doesn’t like to be caught off guard as someone’s trying to hook her even though we had the best intention. So it was that and I’ve learned that I had to be patient and understanding and know how to turn a situation around. Like, we were at another elementary, where one teacher was saying, oh my gosh, she’s she’s popping her mouth and making all these sounds. It’s so annoying. And I was like, I know, it’s the reason why she’s doing it. And she’s trying to naturally calm herself down in her own way. So she needs to next step. So I asked, can I come and show you something that can help you out? And she was open. So I went to the school. And I said, Okay, so you take this cotton ball, you put it on your hand, and you have her blow it off, blow it off your hand. And if you want to get cute with it, you can say, hey, we were trying to blow off Maleficent from the movie. So blow her off, let her keep blowing until you see her turn her mood around, and you’re done.
Unknown Speaker 18:54
And then like later that day, she emailed me and said Hey, it works. She’s having a really good day. So it was it was just being open to people understanding that they don’t know all that stuff. So it’s my job to be responsible and to teach them that now I took it a step further because I was asking those people back in the day workbooks theory who are your mentors and then I was searching my onto my own self education. And I really followed Angie Boss a lot, this ot a lot of her books. And she even gave me a private book and took it to another level to learn like over 100 sensory activities. And then I also said, I say can you watch this video I sent her like a 20 minute video when we went to a park to hit all three of the power systems and a body. And she watched it I was like Can you give me your honest feedback. She was like basically say you nailed it fluidly. The way you transition her with her play in singing to make it like a placing like okay, somebody’s chasing Cinderella so we got to climb up the slide to save her. Oh my god, they’re on top of the slide now. Now we go now we gotta go down to slide Because the evil stepsisters are after us. And then that’s how I mimicked it. So it was good to hear that she said I was doing a good job because I wanted to know how I was doing. I wanted to get graded.
Beth 20:14
Isn’t it so cool that even people who you think are, you know, famous or unreachable, like if you reach out to people, they really will respond to you. So awesome.
Unknown Speaker 20:26
Yeah. So OT, I would have to say, was our, my favorite game changer therapy that I saw that helped us the most.
Beth 20:35
That’s amazing. So good to hear. That’s awesome. So tell us a little bit about your one on one coaching program that you have. Tell us tell us more about that how you help people.
Unknown Speaker 20:48
Right? So for the Autism thing parents like they do so much. They go above and beyond, but we get tired. And we get tired from so many different things. So I’ve created a system where we focus on three things, we focus on self care, it all starts with us getting the energy that we need. So, you know, we go through different stretching and exercise type of things that are that are doable for anybody at any level. So I like I modified all of that. The next strategy is nutrition, like giving us some healthful foods to give us the energy we need when when we’re at home or on the go. And also like different easy, simple smoothie recipes. If you don’t have time to make something, and then some some energy type of drinks that you can take just a variety of things to help people out. And then the last strategy is accountability. Like holding ourselves accountable. Like you know, we all have a rough patch, a moment in a day or something, whenever that comes to help us keep it together so we don’t fall apart. So we know how to get through the bumps throughout the day and, and do our best for ourselves and our children.
Beth 22:00
That sounds amazing. I love it. As we wrap up here, I’m just wondering if you have maybe one or two takeaways that you really want to stress to families who are coming into this IEP system and maybe overwhelmed like you were what are one or two things to keep in mind as they enter into this process?
Unknown Speaker 22:25
To Do you know to do your homework in advance, ask go into those support groups, those places where you know, the families that already have kids and you know, in school and and ask them questions get get their experience to help you out before you enter your very first IEP. I think those are some good good resources to help you out.
Beth 22:46
Amazing and love it. Where can listeners find out more about you and your coaching program,
Unknown Speaker 22:53
Facebook, my name, Gary Martinez, Jr, you can shoot me a message and I’ll get back to you.
Beth 22:58
Fantastic. Thank you so much for coming on. I so appreciate you sharing your story. And gosh, just your approach to communication with the school and what you learned outside of the school is just amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Unknown Speaker 23:14
Thank you so much for having me on.
Beth 23:18
I hope that you really found value in this episode with seeing what it actually looks like when a parent really wants to help the school team help their kid and when the school team is open to that assistance from the parent as well. And this takes a lot of work, you can just hear it in Gary’s tone when he’s talking about how he approached the team, that he wasn’t overly passive. And he wasn’t overly pushy with what they needed to do with his daughter. But just that he offered his expertise and his help with what worked for her. I’m so excited for you to have this as a really clear good example of how it can look and what you’re fighting so hard and learning so hard to be able to do and create that situation for your child where they’re truly supported. Now I have a little bit of a favor to ask of you. If you are finding value in these podcasts. I would love to hear from you. And I know other parents would love to hear that as well. So if you wouldn’t mind, go ahead and rate and review this podcast in whatever player you have, whether that’s Apple podcasts or Spotify, I would just love it if you would leave me some detailed notes about what value you’re getting. What do you want to see more of in that review and let other parents know what they can expect from these episodes now that you’ve hopefully listened to a couple of that but maybe this is your first one and you can still read it and review it for me that would be amazing. So I am so excited to bring you another episode on Thursday with the eligibility category, bonus series so I will be in your ears on Thursday and please let me know if you need anything. If I don’t see you for the eligibility series on Thursday, I will see you same time, same place next week. Thanks so much!